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Tag Archives: values

Slowing Down: Why Does This Matter? (or Doesn’t?)
28 Oct

Slowing Down: Why Does This Matter? (or Doesn’t?)

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Nearly 30 years ago, I was walking with my father. I was absolutely fuming. My wife and I had had an argument, and I was ranting – full of righteous indignation. After letting me go on for longer than most would have tolerated my carping, my father stopped and turned to me to ask two questions. First: “Are you through?” When I responded in the affirmative, he asked, “Why does this matter to you?” I remember thinking, “Haven’t you been paying attention?”  Instead, I simply said, “I’m right,” and so, by extension, I believed she was wrong. Again, my father demonstrated the patience that I loved in him. He replied that, even if I was right, why did the issue we were fighting about matter. He encouraged me not to answer the question. “Just think about it while we walk.” For the next few blocks, I stewed on the question. I will admit that, for the first block or so, my righteous indignation won, but then something shifted.  I started to think about the issue at the root of the initial argument. I have no recollection of what it was, but I do recall thinking that my father was on to something. The issue wasn’t nearly as important as I had made it. I had allowed my ego to produce an emotion-driven response to a relatively minor disagreement. No – this is not an article about marital harmony. My father’s question works in any relationship where conflict or contention plays a role. For most people, our work is fraught with conflicts and disagreements, and many times these situations turn unproductive because we allow ourselves to get sucked into arguments that don’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things that are worth fighting for and about. My point is that we typically waste our energy on the wrong things. We fail to recognize what matters.   There are so many layers to the question, “Why does this matter?” Some are obvious: Some are less obvious, but potentially more relevant in terms of our emotional response: These are just a few of the angles to consider when we begin digging into the original question. I do not believe anyone can or should run through a long list of questions to determine whether they should or should not take a stand when an issue emerges. Rather, I am advocating for a deliberate response versus an instinctive response. When we force ourselves to stop (or even slow down) to examine why something is bothering us and to discern why it matters, we take a critical step in derailing unhealthy and unproductive emotional responses. This slight pause gives us the opportunity to respond deliberately and powerfully. One situation may compel us to take an immediate and firm stance while another may lead us to ignore the issue, and others may elicit something in between these extremes.  Imagine a colleague with whom you have a healthy and slightly competitive relationship takes an action that benefits him but puts one of your projects in jeopardy. You learn about this in a large meeting with some important stakeholders, including your boss and the sponsor of the impacted project. Early in my career, my instinctive response would have been to get angry and go on the attack, creating a contentious situation and forcing a rash decision to resolve the issue. Instead, when we ask, “Why does this matter?” we may recognize that the best course of action is to take the issue offline and resolve it privately, or we may decide that immediate and decisive action is required. This moment of discernment is where the deeper questions listed above may come into play. We assess the urgency and the importance of a situation and act accordingly.  Depending on how we answer these questions, we may accept the short-term disappointment or frustration of our stakeholders to preserve an important relationship. Conversely, we may decide that the risk is too great to wait, so we may confront the issues immediately and directly. Regardless of the choice, the act of slowing down and responding deliberately increases the probability of achieving our desired outcome.  Those who know me well are likely to see in my example that the practice of asking why something matters is more of an aspiration than a habit. I am still too quick to go on the offensive when I feel threatened or slighted. However, I have come to learn that often the only thing being threatened is my ego. Developing this awareness has allowed me to take a response that is rooted in my core values rather than defensive reflex.

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15 Nov

Unexpected Election Night Leadership Lesson

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Last Tuesday, I was working at the polls, and I met a young father who had his son in tow. I remember doing the same thing when my children were little. This father believed that voting was important, and he wanted his son to understand that and to see him taking part in the electoral process. We talked for several minutes, and he said he had to get back to work. He was a restaurant manager, and he wanted to see if anyone who wanted to vote had done so prior to the polls closing. I commented on how great it is for organizations to recognize the importance of voting and give their employees time to exercise this precious right. He laughed and said, “It’s not a corporate policy. It’s mine.” He said he really didn’t have the authority to do things like that, but he felt it was important enough to bend the rules. His rationale made sense to me. All of his employees live within a few miles of the restaurant, and he asked them to vote before or after the lunch /dinner rushes. This act of civic engagement cost him almost nothing, but it meant a lot to his employees.

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28 Sep

Real Leadership Requires Principles Not Labels

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Several months ago, one of my executive leadership coaching clients started our session by venting his frustration about the state of politics in America. It is easy to share his frustration. As a resident of one of the “battleground” states in the upcoming election, I am overwhelmed by the volume of commercials and deeply disturbed by their universal lack of civility. Although I shared his feelings in general, I found myself surprised by the overarching conclusion he had drawn about the problem’s root cause. He stated emphatically, “The problem is principles!” When I asked him to elaborate, he said that he felt that in the name of principled leadership, politicians have become rigid and inflexible. “They are unwilling to cooperate, collaborate, or compromise.”

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17 Aug

Just Because It’s Fun Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Important

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“It’s not supposed to be fun. That’s why they call it work.” That was my father’s attempt at humor whenever I complained about chores around the house. I know he was only kidding, but for many people, this is how they truly feel. It’s work, so it is supposed to be hard and unpleasant. The idea that work could be fun is almost counter-cultural. Several years ago, in spite of what my father said, I came to the realization that work not only can be fun, it should be. That doesn’t mean that we will always love every aspect of our work, but I believe we are doing ourselves a real disservice if we don’t strive to find employment that is fulfilling and enjoyable. This new way of looking at work was a primary driver behind my decision to leave the relative security of my corporate life for the uncertainty of entrepreneurship.

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23 Jul

Sometimes You Just Have to Break The Rules

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Some rules are made to be broken. It’s true, but the real challenge is figuring out which ones they are and what it means to break them. Some are easy. Last week, an extraordinary rule breaker celebrated his 94 birthday. Nelson Mandela’s willingness to defy his government to oppose Apartheid changed a nation and made him an international symbol for transformation and reconciliation. Mandela’s life has taught us that breaking rules and paying the price for doing so can raise awareness to issues that must be addressed. Whether you are trying to change the world or just change your family, deciding to break rules takes selflessness, courage, and wisdom. Most of all it takes a willingness to lead.

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Testimonials

If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
I've invited Doug to speak several times at our university and will continued to enjoy doing so. Both students and faculty members love Doug's humility, his comfortable and highly interactive manner, and willingness to share both painful and successful experiences. He comes across as wise yet without a trace of arrogance. I think students almost instantly view him as the type of person they'd like to have as a mentor. I’m confident that those who apply the wisdom he shares will be introduced to new and practical ways of improving their leadership.
-Bob Kolodinsky

Ph.D., Director, Gilliam Center for Free Enterprise and Ethical Leadership and Professor, Management Department, College of Business, James Madison University
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
I've invited Doug to speak several times at our university and will continued to enjoy doing so. Both students and faculty members love Doug's humility, his comfortable and highly interactive manner, and willingness to share both painful and successful experiences. He comes across as wise yet without a trace of arrogance. I think students almost instantly view him as the type of person they'd like to have as a mentor. I’m confident that those who apply the wisdom he shares will be introduced to new and practical ways of improving their leadership.
-Bob Kolodinsky

Ph.D., Director, Gilliam Center for Free Enterprise and Ethical Leadership and Professor, Management Department, College of Business, James Madison University
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Bringing years of personal experience in leadership in Fortune 500 companies, Doug's presentation is based on his Book "If You Will Lead." Doug's program was much more than a “motivational” sales seminar. It was an inspirational and energizing session that provided us with the tools and insights to lead more powerfully and sell more effectively.
- Ivan Gomez

President, AAISP – DC
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug Moran’s opening keynote address to our annual conference set the tone for the entire event. It was my hope that we would have a speaker who would inspire and encourage our attendees to think and act more boldly about the topic of sustainable mobility, and Doug delivered exactly what we needed. Most importantly, he provided us with concrete leadership advice that we can use to drive positive change. His provocative and challenging words were repeated by many of our other presenters who integrated his leadership messages into their speeches and discussions.
– Sharon Lewinson

P.Eng., President ACT Canada
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug Moran looks at the practice of leadership from a unique perspective - through the lens of a literary classic. It’s a fascinating way for today’s managers to think about their own leadership brand.
- Steve Arneson, Ph.D.

President, Arneson Leadership Consulting

(Steve was named one of the country's Top 100 thought leaders on leadership in 2008, 2009 and 2010, and one of the Top 25 leadership coaches in America for 2008, 2009 and 2010 by Leadership Excellence magazine. )
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Although the problems we confront have changed, the fundamentals of leadership remain the same. Recognizing this enduring truth, Doug Moran has created a book that draws leadership lessons from some of history’s greatest figures. If You Will Lead surely will help readers become better leaders.
- George Allen

Former Governor and Senator, Commonwealth of Virginia
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Few people are born leaders. The rest of us need a guide to help us gain both the courage and competency to lead well. Doug Moran’s book provides a perfect blend of a thoughtful leadership framework and anecdotes from some of history’s greatest leaders to help make his points come to life. If You Will Lead is a great companion for any aspiring executive.
-John Scanlon

EVP and CFO, Intersections, Inc.
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
I was particularly impressed with the section of the book about Jim Mulligan and the role of leading with stamina. It is an outstanding representation of one of the toughest men to endure the Hanoi Hilton. His leadership kept us young guys going. This book captures the importance of leadership stamina.
- Cdr. Paul Galanti

(USN ret.), former POW
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
In IF YOU WILL LEAD, Doug Moran provides keen insights on leadership while drawing lessons from some of history’s great leaders. Moran has taken a complex and challenging subject and created lessons and a framework that can help leaders realize and leverage their strengths.
- Sanjiv Yajnik

President, Financial Services, Capital One
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
As I was reading If You Will Lead, I was reminded of Santayana’s famous quote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” This book offers the opportunity to learn from some of history’s greatest leaders, so we can replicate their success. Moran's masterful framework translates these historical lessons into a concrete and practical guide for today's leaders.
- Larry Klane

CEO, Korea Exchange Bank
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug Moran’s humane and insightful study reminds us of some of the timeless qualities great leaders need. And even if leaders sometimes have to “govern in prose”, drawing inspiration from poetry is a fine idea.
- Stefan Stern

formerly management columnist at the FT, now Visiting Professor at the Cass Business School, London, and director of strategy at Edelman in the UK
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug Moran did a great job of tying essential leadership attributes to great, recognizable leaders. The attributes chosen are essential traits of good leadership and very well organized.
- /s/ Vice Admiral Ed Clexton, USN (Ret)

former Commanding Officer, USS Dwight D. Eisenhower, CVN-69, and recipient of the John Paul Jones 'Inspirational Leadership Award' from the Navy League of the US.
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
This is an engaging primer for anyone committed to becoming a leader at work or in life. Using compelling examples, Doug Moran has provided a valuable series of leadership lessons that are relevant and useful to all of us. This book will make a difference to you and to all who look to you for leadership.
- R. Jack Weber

Professor Emeritus, Darden Graduate School of Business, University of Virginia
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug Moran’s book will motivate leaders at all level to strengthen key leadership traits of character, authenticity, integrity and self-efficacy. You will learn tangible leadership techniques and walk along side some of history’s best known figures from Lincoln to Mandela, making this a truly inspirational book.
- Wendy S. Swire

Co-author Anytime Coaching: Unleashing Employee Performance Adjunct Professor, Johns Hopkins Carey Graduate School of Business
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
I highly add my name of recommendation to the book by Doug Moran entitled If You Will Lead. "One of the great needs in our country and in our world is the need for capable and inspiring leadership. There is, in my judgment, an absence of good leadership as we hear each day of the incessant wrangling among elected officials. We certainly need some new leaders to come forward. This book gives the reader a sense of the qualities of leadership which are so needed today. Leadership is an innate quality. It certainly can be acquired, as long as we have examples which this book gives to emulate." "In my judgment this book is most worthwhile and sorely needed in our world today.
- Walter F. Sullivan

Bishop Emeritus of Richmond
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
This is an engaging primer for anyone committed to becoming a leader at work or in life. Using compelling examples, Doug Moran has provided a valuable series of leadership lessons that are relevant and useful to all of us. This book will make a difference to you and to all who look to you for leadership.
- R. Jack Weber

Professor Emeritus, Darden Graduate School of Business, University of Virginia.
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
I was introduced to “IF” at a young age by my mom, and it is a poem that I keep in my mind at all times as I try to do my job to the very best of my ability here at Butler. Many of the positive lessons in the poem have been very applicable for me. It’s a terrific poem to study for those that aspire to be in a position of leadership.
-Brad Steven

Head Coach, Butler University Men’s Basketball Team
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
“If You will Lead” brings real insight into the qualities needed for successful leadership. This book is exceptionally well written and provides a true guideline into all aspects that challenge true leadership. Inspiring balanced and well thought out it is a major contribution for those who would lead in our fast changing society.
- Jim Mulligan
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
At a time when leadership in the world is at such a low ebb – “If You Will Lead” will make a tremendous contribution to the upcoming generation!
- Louise Mulligan
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
After 26 years on Wall Street, the last 20 of them leading people, I am more aware than ever of the need to level-set your actions and philosophies and always be adjusting to the fast-paced world we live in where change is the only constant. Doug Moran has proven himself to be a forward-thinking leader and insightful assessor of practical practices in an increasingly complex and competitive business environment, having demonstrated a track record of creative and strategic thinking along with successful tactical execution in both the public and private sectors across multiple leadership roles. As one fights off the temptation to become jaded and dismissive of those offering the latest recipe for leadership success, Doug has proven to be one of the few people whose opinions I seek out proactively, knowing that I can count on candid feedback, spirited debate and a collaborative partner when dealing with issues important to me both personally and professionally. If You Will Lead is an important addition to any leader’s short list of practical business reading and will make an immediate positive impact on how one ties effective leadership principles to the future success of their organization.
- Chris Dupuy

Managing Director, Merrill Lynch Wealth Management
If You Will Lead - Enduring Wisdom for Those Who Choose to Lead
Doug's book on leadership is a standout. Based on Kipling's poem, "If," the book is thoughtful and comprehensive, pragmatic and inspiring, and grounded in self awareness, which is the fundamental requirement for leadership excellence. This book, with its well-drawn examples of leadership attributes, is in itself a courageous act of leadership. Serious leaders interested in transformation for themselves or their organizations ought to savor it, journal with it, and refer to it often as a way to calibrate, contribute, and create results that matter.
- Christine Wahl, MCC

Author of Be Your Own Coach, and On Becoming a Leadership Coach, and creator of the Georgetown University Leadership Coaching Program



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