For the third time in a row, I am writing about the connection between leading and teaching. Maybe it is the time of year, with another school year ending. Whatever the cause, I continue to find great leadership lessons from the teachers in my children’s lives. This time the lesson came during a cross-country horseback riding clinic my daughter, Mary Kate, was participating in. To provide some context, Mary Kate rides a horse named Blackberry. Blackberry is mischievous and a bit nuts. He’s a wonderful horse, but if he were a was a high school boy he would probably spend a fair amount of time in detention. He has developed a reputation for his bad behavior. His owner refers to his antics as “B.B.B.B.ing” (i.e., Blackberry breaking bad big time). Around the barn, they call him Crackberry.
During the clinic last week, he was BBBBing. Mary Kate rode him like a champion. She maintained control and composure regardless of what he tried to do. He reared, refused jumps, and bucked numerous times, but Mary Kate stuck with it and prevailed . . . until the last course. There was one jump that he would not attempt. My daughter’s instructor, Laine, had encouraged her throughout the clinic. She had been providing constant support and guidance. Her confidence in Mary Kate never faltered. However, Laine realized that this jump had gotten into both the horse’s and the rider’s head, so she decided to step in.
Laine stopped Mary Kate and said, “You can’t let him do that. It isn’t safe for either of you.” Laine was direct and assertive, but she made sure Mary Kate knew it was because she cared about her and Blackberry. She was also very precise in what she wanted Mary Kate to do differently. After their conversation, Mary Kate dismounted and Laine took her place. She took Blackberry through the course several times demonstrating for Mary Kate what she needed to do and how to do it. By doing this, she showed Blackberry and Mary Kate that they could overcome this obstacle. Mary Kate remounted Blackberry, and they cleared that jump without incident.
We all face this dilemma as leaders. Knowing when to step in is hard enough, but doing so in a way that helps the subordinate grow and learn can seem impossible. I often feared that my actions would undermine a subordinate’s confidence or identity. Watching Laine with Mary Kate was enlightening. Laine’s approach was perfect. Her directness diffused the emotions. Her unwavering confidence bolstered Mary Kate’s. Her willingness to literally “take the reins” showed both horse and rider what it would take to succeed. She never sugar-coated things or tried to deny that the problem existed. Laine’s actions showed that leaders can intervene in a way that builds competence without eroding confidence.
