I have always known that great leadership and great parenting have a lot in common. Like parents, leaders often make sacrifices for the sake of those they lead. Just like parenting, leadership sometimes calls for a generous dose of tough love. Good leaders recognize that long-term happiness and success may mean short-term disappointment or frustration for their followers.
This weekend while sitting in church, I was struck by another similarity between parents and leaders. Great leadership, like great parenting, often reveals itself through the little things. I came to this realization while observing a father caring for his disabled daughter. Like most people, we Morans are creatures of habit, so we typically sit in the same pew on Sunday mornings. Our chosen seat is very close to where this father and daughter sit every week. I was always impressed and inspired by the level of effort and attention he gave his daughter. Throughout Mass, he was constantly responding to her needs and the demands of her condition.
As I observed him in the past, I would find myself thanking God that my children are healthy. Selfishly, I even found myself thankful that I wasn’t burdened with that level of responsibility. Witnessing his selfless parenting has also inspired me to be a better father. If he could bear this huge burden, then I can endure the challenges of being a “normal” parent. His actions were helping me on my journey to be a good father.
As I thought about what I had witnessed, I began to recognize that I had been seeing only part of the picture. I had been missing what makes this father exceptional. His greatness as a parent isn’t that he does the things he does. Rather, it is the way he does them. Regardless of how unpleasant or difficult the task, he does it with love and joy in his eyes. He willingly gives his daughter what she needs. Our endurance of the big things that parenting throws at us is what makes us good parents. Great parenting comes from how we do them. When our children get in trouble or get sick, when they struggle in school or with relationships, good parents respond. Great parents see these situations and challenges as opportunities to foster stronger relationships with our children while helping them grow and learn. For great parents, the problems aren’t a burden; rather they are part of the joy and privilege of parenting.
The same is true for leaders. Great leaders aren’t great for the tasks they do. What makes them great is how they do them. We remember George Washington for Trenton, Valley Forge, Yorktown, and as the father of his country, yet he could not have achieved any of this without the support of those he led. Their commitment to him was a result of how he led. They saw him willingly sacrifice and suffer with them and calmly lead from the front. These actions proved Washington’s dedication to his troops.
How do we respond to the challenges and adversity that leadership presents us? As leaders, we do a lot to support those who follow us, but it is important to keep in mind that it is often the seemingly inconsequential actions that will matter most. Those we lead will bring us (and sometimes cause us) problems. If you are like me, more often than not, you respond by jumping in to fix things, but the whole time you’re thinking, “great, here’s another mess for me to clean up.” It’s natural, but in these moments we miss opportunities for greatness. Good leaders react by helping to fix the problem. Great leaders respond by seeing these situations as part of the privilege and honor of leadership. They see each problem as an opportunity for learning and growth – both for themselves and those they lead. No, this is not about being a Pollyanna; rather, it is about recognizing that the little things forge great leaders.
As leaders and parents, our followers and children will provide us with a constant stream of problems and challenges. How will we choose to respond when they do?