Several weeks ago, I experienced one of those annoying challenges of being a sole proprietor – the lack of computer technical support. Every time I opened my calendar in Outlook™, it would freeze up, forcing me to restart my computer. Prior to starting my firm last year, I had always been a part of large organizations. Whenever something went wrong with my PC, I simply called technical support. The problem is, now I am technical support. I am also administrative support, buildings and grounds, etc. The good news is that I am also the boss.
On this occasion, I found myself wasting hours trying to figure out how to solve the problem. Rather than pick up the telephone and find someone competent to help me, I tried to fix it myself. The more I tried, the more frustrated I became.
At the height of my frustration with my inability to solve this problem, I received a telephone call from a potential client about a piece of work wanted. They had decided to go in a different direction. As an entrepreneur, I have come to accept that rejection is a regular part of the process. Normally, I would have just taken it in stride, but for some reason, this one hit me harder than most. After the telephone call, I started analyzing and over- analyzing the call. The more I thought about it, the more aggravated I became. I even began revisiting my decision to start my business.
Several hours later, my wife came to my office to talk. She could tell something was bothering me, so she asked what was wrong. I responded, “I have a problem with my Outlook™.” While my answer carried the trademark symbol, the truth did not. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I frankly didn’t have a very bullish outlook. She asked if there was anything she could do, so I told her the whole story. I vented my frustration about the job. I whined about the annoying challenges of working for myself. Basically, I unloaded on her as I would have with any of the executive coaches I have worked with in the past. Like a good coach, she didn’t prop me up with meaningless encouragement. Rather, she let me vent. She let me get all of my self-pity out, and then she began asking questions that helped me find the answers I was looking for.
Laurie and I continued our conversations about my outlook, and sure enough I began to find solutions to both problems. First, I found an expert to help resolve the irritating computer problem. Next, I accepted that I would continue to experience the nagging problems of small business ownership. That’s part of the bargain. Finally, while I knew I’d still be disappointed when deals didn’t go the way I’d like, I acknowledged this reality of the work I am doing.
The most import lesson I learned from these events was that I have the ability to fix both my outlook and my Outlook™, with the right help and support. These events provided me a great metaphor for the power of coaching. I knew how to resolve both problems that afternoon. The problem was that I needed help finding them. One required a few hours working with a technician from a call center in India. The second required an objective and honest assessment of my situation. I needed someone to ask me questions dispassionately so I could put the setback into context. Fortunately, I have a wife who has the ability and willingness to play that role. But what if I hadn’t? I may have remained stuck with my lousy outlooks.
The power of coaching comes from the reality that the coach does not have the answers. The client does. My wife – my coach – did not try to solve my problems. She recognized that I had the answers. I just needed help finding them. While Laurie proved to be an effective coach in that instance, we both know that she is too close to me to be my ongoing coach. I’ve realized the importance of having a coach, and I have begun the process of finding one. Everyone can benefit from a coach, someone who can help us find our own answers.
